hey. mann it's been too long.
come to the end of the year and i find myself not knowing what to say.
we need to find a date to meet up, and catch up on one another.
we need to resume 19th prayer.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
It's been a long time...
I forgot the user id...
I forgot the password...
That shows how long I've been away...
I stared at the screen, almost blankly....closed my eyes for a short while...they seem to come back...
The scenes...the photos...the laughters...the joy of being with friends, not just any friend, but 3 very special friends...the tune to our favorite song...
I remember the user id, I remember the password...
But more importantly, I remember the words of Pea as we left the Philippines "Let's not just leave with emotions, but with concrete lessons".... ....
Dear friends, it's indeed been a very long time we have met (other than Rachel's sms and Dennis call in the middle of my night call)...I've been well, been thru different phases of my course that has indeed left me thinking bout many matters of life, bout being a doc...the expectations and fears...It's been very tiring, the work and the struggles...but God's grace is indeed sufficient and His mercies beyond imagination...
Through these period of time, the Lord has challenged much of my fundimentals as a Christian, many assumptions I never wanted to face...situtations force me to face them...Haha, it's almost like the repercussions of MEET, the aftermath of that faith shaking experience...I won't say it's exactly enjoyable, but it has left me seeing the world in a different light...prayerful, in the eyes of Jesus Christ...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. - Rom 8:28-30
Going thru such struggles almost seems like walking thru the Spiritual valley...there are times I wonder if I was a Christian. There were times I held onto a thin line of pure believe that I'm a son of God...Going thru such struggles, I wonder how can I share God's love with others, how can lead other bro n sis...I find ways to "get back the feeling", read the Bible more, pray more, listen to more Christian songs...but sth was still missing...my soul feels empty...
Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, [Jesus] said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." - Mark 6:31
The emptiness that only God can fill...He has left it empty for Himself...there was nothing I could do by my own strength, but only thru Him and in Him can I find the strength to carry on. In extreme shag-ness, i knelt in church, in the stillness of the service, I found myself calling out "Father, I am so useless, can't do anything...save me Lord, for I am Yours"....A cry of desperation, a cry for hope, and I could feel His presence, His Joy and His Comfort...He is my comforter and strength!!!! Praise His name!!!
I'm still on the journey of learning to humble myself, a journey began long ago, intensified in MEET...a journey I found myself crumbling before the throne of the Almighty...
Dear frenz on this jouurney with me, I thank you for your many encouragements and reminder of who I am, of who God is...I pray that this Christmas, you too would receive the special gift God has prepared for us, His Salvation and His Love...May the Love, Joy and Peace of our Lord be with you and your families.
Take care and God Bless
In Christ, Eugene
I forgot the password...
That shows how long I've been away...
I stared at the screen, almost blankly....closed my eyes for a short while...they seem to come back...
The scenes...the photos...the laughters...the joy of being with friends, not just any friend, but 3 very special friends...the tune to our favorite song...
I remember the user id, I remember the password...
But more importantly, I remember the words of Pea as we left the Philippines "Let's not just leave with emotions, but with concrete lessons".... ....
Dear friends, it's indeed been a very long time we have met (other than Rachel's sms and Dennis call in the middle of my night call)...I've been well, been thru different phases of my course that has indeed left me thinking bout many matters of life, bout being a doc...the expectations and fears...It's been very tiring, the work and the struggles...but God's grace is indeed sufficient and His mercies beyond imagination...
Through these period of time, the Lord has challenged much of my fundimentals as a Christian, many assumptions I never wanted to face...situtations force me to face them...Haha, it's almost like the repercussions of MEET, the aftermath of that faith shaking experience...I won't say it's exactly enjoyable, but it has left me seeing the world in a different light...prayerful, in the eyes of Jesus Christ...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. - Rom 8:28-30
Going thru such struggles almost seems like walking thru the Spiritual valley...there are times I wonder if I was a Christian. There were times I held onto a thin line of pure believe that I'm a son of God...Going thru such struggles, I wonder how can I share God's love with others, how can lead other bro n sis...I find ways to "get back the feeling", read the Bible more, pray more, listen to more Christian songs...but sth was still missing...my soul feels empty...
Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, [Jesus] said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." - Mark 6:31
The emptiness that only God can fill...He has left it empty for Himself...there was nothing I could do by my own strength, but only thru Him and in Him can I find the strength to carry on. In extreme shag-ness, i knelt in church, in the stillness of the service, I found myself calling out "Father, I am so useless, can't do anything...save me Lord, for I am Yours"....A cry of desperation, a cry for hope, and I could feel His presence, His Joy and His Comfort...He is my comforter and strength!!!! Praise His name!!!
I'm still on the journey of learning to humble myself, a journey began long ago, intensified in MEET...a journey I found myself crumbling before the throne of the Almighty...
Dear frenz on this jouurney with me, I thank you for your many encouragements and reminder of who I am, of who God is...I pray that this Christmas, you too would receive the special gift God has prepared for us, His Salvation and His Love...May the Love, Joy and Peace of our Lord be with you and your families.
Take care and God Bless
In Christ, Eugene
Thursday, November 15, 2007
restrain me
Somewhere on facebook is a certain wall post which reads, "... are you staying a little longer to get pictures?i m thinking of staying till the 22nd or 23rd and going tothe slums/squatter like places to get a few shots;it'll be really interesting!"
and it's a furious trembling inside.
So you're going to the philippines to participate in their ultimate frisbee tournament. But "the slums/ squatter like places" are .not. bits of tin and wood tacked together for you to take pictures of.
These sites of depravation and poverty are .not. your camera's playground to whore out.
These spaces where mothers and fathers despair of earning even a pittance are .not. for your whim and fancy to "get a few shots"
to upload into your flicker account to show off your photography skills.
They are not. exotic lesser humans whose homes you can vouyuer. snoop around with the 18-200 VR you borrowed. Their lives are not for you to romanticise into blank-and-white stills or monochromes.
They don't choose to live in a slum. They don't decide that the best they can afford will be corragated iron situation beside a river of filth. They aren't living in rickety structures that might collapse soon for want of a few pesos for you with the 18-200 VR. No, not you.
These are homes of pain borne out of man's corruption and they are real. They suffer because of corpulent, abhorrent government officials who siphon money. These are actual families and they are real. Mothers who borrow desperately to make ends meet, fathers who drink and gamble, wide-eyed children in rags- Because of man's evil and not placed there for you to take artistic photos.
Are you going to change their lives?
Are you taking "a few shots" to champion their cause?
Are you doing this because you plan to make a difference?
"i m thinking of staying till the 22nd or 23rd and going tothe slums/squatter like places to get a few shots;it'll be really interesting!"
and it's a furious trembling inside.
So you're going to the philippines to participate in their ultimate frisbee tournament. But "the slums/ squatter like places" are .not. bits of tin and wood tacked together for you to take pictures of.
These sites of depravation and poverty are .not. your camera's playground to whore out.
These spaces where mothers and fathers despair of earning even a pittance are .not. for your whim and fancy to "get a few shots"
to upload into your flicker account to show off your photography skills.
They are not. exotic lesser humans whose homes you can vouyuer. snoop around with the 18-200 VR you borrowed. Their lives are not for you to romanticise into blank-and-white stills or monochromes.
They don't choose to live in a slum. They don't decide that the best they can afford will be corragated iron situation beside a river of filth. They aren't living in rickety structures that might collapse soon for want of a few pesos for you with the 18-200 VR. No, not you.
These are homes of pain borne out of man's corruption and they are real. They suffer because of corpulent, abhorrent government officials who siphon money. These are actual families and they are real. Mothers who borrow desperately to make ends meet, fathers who drink and gamble, wide-eyed children in rags- Because of man's evil and not placed there for you to take artistic photos.
Are you going to change their lives?
Are you taking "a few shots" to champion their cause?
Are you doing this because you plan to make a difference?
"i m thinking of staying till the 22nd or 23rd and going tothe slums/squatter like places to get a few shots;it'll be really interesting!"
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
yay.
yay. i like seeing everybody again :)
i am thinking all that has been heard the past three nights is much worth thinking about.
i begin to wonder about communism.
anyhow. i so smart i tried to wash my hair with facial soap. things the muddled brain does.
i am thinking all that has been heard the past three nights is much worth thinking about.
i begin to wonder about communism.
anyhow. i so smart i tried to wash my hair with facial soap. things the muddled brain does.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
decidedly happy.
hello. shieng say nobody writes anymore.
today i realised how we need to thank God, for Him in life. if we really think abt it, He has guarded our paths and there is really nothing that lies outside His giving to us.
yea, so thank God for reminders of Him. it is a challenge to keep getting closer to Him and the mission field, and time is catching up on us so fast. soon we need to think about yet another step.
anyhow. its gonna be the 19th again. and the next ft is next next tuesday the 16th i think. so we can either meet then or set another date.
ta.
today i realised how we need to thank God, for Him in life. if we really think abt it, He has guarded our paths and there is really nothing that lies outside His giving to us.
yea, so thank God for reminders of Him. it is a challenge to keep getting closer to Him and the mission field, and time is catching up on us so fast. soon we need to think about yet another step.
anyhow. its gonna be the 19th again. and the next ft is next next tuesday the 16th i think. so we can either meet then or set another date.
ta.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
only because
the atl ordered a post out of me. I know it's neither an intellectual post nor missionary focussed nor even related to the team; it's just a rambling of sorts. Really. anyway it's past midnight I want to sleep.
___________________
on wednesday
I'm sitting in el class [the better one, at least] and without warning my mind suddenly transmits a different vision- and just as abruptly back to the present again. I was a little dazed- as dazed as one can be while feeling sleepy and not/concentrating at the same time. Then for some reason the place my memory plonked me into for the timebreath of a second became important, and I rewound the reel. to realise that my brain had brought me back to a surroundings of whitewashed houses with the afternoon sun upon their walls. I know the memory. I was in the philippines, and we had just come down from the mountains. We had crossed a dammed river to get to those houses [there was a dam on the river- nothing else], so that our sandals were soaked and I was exhilarated at the mini adventure we'd just gone through.
These days then I think back on the philippines it seems my memories are somewhat sepia singed, a sense of an exotic adventure. Walking along slums along streets hitching rides bouncing on the jeepneys unique to that land. Has my reality been lost.
Another note- more to keep myself awake than anything. Last night when a dear friend said "thanks for missing me" I knew exactly what he meants. You're precious to me and I to you, but it takes a certain effort to step out and say it. for me anyway. Most times I'd rather send mental emails to someone I miss and want to be with, useless because mental telepathy works only when God does it. Still, I'd rather do that because I find it hard to make myself vulnerable.
___________________
on wednesday
I'm sitting in el class [the better one, at least] and without warning my mind suddenly transmits a different vision- and just as abruptly back to the present again. I was a little dazed- as dazed as one can be while feeling sleepy and not/concentrating at the same time. Then for some reason the place my memory plonked me into for the timebreath of a second became important, and I rewound the reel. to realise that my brain had brought me back to a surroundings of whitewashed houses with the afternoon sun upon their walls. I know the memory. I was in the philippines, and we had just come down from the mountains. We had crossed a dammed river to get to those houses [there was a dam on the river- nothing else], so that our sandals were soaked and I was exhilarated at the mini adventure we'd just gone through.
These days then I think back on the philippines it seems my memories are somewhat sepia singed, a sense of an exotic adventure. Walking along slums along streets hitching rides bouncing on the jeepneys unique to that land. Has my reality been lost.
Another note- more to keep myself awake than anything. Last night when a dear friend said "thanks for missing me" I knew exactly what he meants. You're precious to me and I to you, but it takes a certain effort to step out and say it. for me anyway. Most times I'd rather send mental emails to someone I miss and want to be with, useless because mental telepathy works only when God does it. Still, I'd rather do that because I find it hard to make myself vulnerable.
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