the end.

hey. mann it's been too long.
come to the end of the year and i find myself not knowing what to say.
we need to find a date to meet up, and catch up on one another.
we need to resume 19th prayer.

It's been a long time...

I forgot the user id...

I forgot the password...

That shows how long I've been away...

I stared at the screen, almost blankly....closed my eyes for a short while...they seem to come back...

The scenes...the photos...the laughters...the joy of being with friends, not just any friend, but 3 very special friends...the tune to our favorite song...

I remember the user id, I remember the password...

But more importantly, I remember the words of Pea as we left the Philippines "Let's not just leave with emotions, but with concrete lessons".... ....

Dear friends, it's indeed been a very long time we have met (other than Rachel's sms and Dennis call in the middle of my night call)...I've been well, been thru different phases of my course that has indeed left me thinking bout many matters of life, bout being a doc...the expectations and fears...It's been very tiring, the work and the struggles...but God's grace is indeed sufficient and His mercies beyond imagination...

Through these period of time, the Lord has challenged much of my fundimentals as a Christian, many assumptions I never wanted to face...situtations force me to face them...Haha, it's almost like the repercussions of MEET, the aftermath of that faith shaking experience...I won't say it's exactly enjoyable, but it has left me seeing the world in a different light...prayerful, in the eyes of Jesus Christ...

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. - Rom 8:28-30

Going thru such struggles almost seems like walking thru the Spiritual valley...there are times I wonder if I was a Christian. There were times I held onto a thin line of pure believe that I'm a son of God...Going thru such struggles, I wonder how can I share God's love with others, how can lead other bro n sis...I find ways to "get back the feeling", read the Bible more, pray more, listen to more Christian songs...but sth was still missing...my soul feels empty...

Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, [Jesus] said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." - Mark 6:31

The emptiness that only God can fill...He has left it empty for Himself...there was nothing I could do by my own strength, but only thru Him and in Him can I find the strength to carry on. In extreme shag-ness, i knelt in church, in the stillness of the service, I found myself calling out "Father, I am so useless, can't do anything...save me Lord, for I am Yours"....A cry of desperation, a cry for hope, and I could feel His presence, His Joy and His Comfort...He is my comforter and strength!!!! Praise His name!!!

I'm still on the journey of learning to humble myself, a journey began long ago, intensified in MEET...a journey I found myself crumbling before the throne of the Almighty...

Dear frenz on this jouurney with me, I thank you for your many encouragements and reminder of who I am, of who God is...I pray that this Christmas, you too would receive the special gift God has prepared for us, His Salvation and His Love...May the Love, Joy and Peace of our Lord be with you and your families.

Take care and God Bless

In Christ, Eugene